Chapter 1: Melancholy

January 03, 2017

I was overwhelmed with hope and excitement for a new life that was perfectly planned. A new adventure, a new opportunity. A new path, a new journey. One that I had been dreaming of for many years. Just as the feeling of being home was settling in, life showed me that my new beginning was a house of cards built on empty promises. My disappointment consumed me as I found myself fighting for survival when I had expectations of thriving in a new life.

Amidst my sadness, I drove to Abiquiu Lake to find solace. I sat quietly, desperately seeking some speck of hope, but could only dwell in anger. The landscape of red rock that so often excited me seemed dry and abandoned, much the way I felt. I cast my eyes downward to the water just to avoid the feeling of emptiness. I connected with the ripples on the water. I could relate to the feeling of having no direction, but plenty of energy, yet only being able to skim the surface of my life, once again wishing to go deeper. My attention turned to the reflections of the cliffs that stood above the shoreline. Soft gold, green and blue mixed to create a sense of melancholy. I asked nature to join in my despair, but instead she gave me the message that I needed to hear.

When our paths are unclear, we must find beauty in not knowing. We must trust that something great awaits us, even though we cannot see it with our mind’s eye. Perhaps knowing what is about to unfold will make us fearful, anxious or doubtful. Perhaps the place we find ourselves is only a stepping stone, and we will one day leave in order to reach our destination. Whatever the reason, we are to prepare for an unexpected journey with a spirit of exploration and adventure.

External conditions can leave us without a sense of direction, yet when those conditions are right, a journey will be revealed that is beyond our wildest imaginations. In the meantime, we must prepare. We must go within, explore our innermost being, discover our deepest passions, grow, learn and become the person we need to be when our dreams do unfold. You see, nature understands that our dreams are the voice of our destiny, and when those dreams do not transpire, it is simply because we are not prepared.

I could not ignore nature’s wisdom. I had to accept that I was not created to have a content and quiet life. My work had just begun, but not in the external world, but the world within myself. This was to be a butterfly effect that began with reconnecting with my self, as I was when life began. Filled with innocence, curiosity, exploration and a dash of “wild child.” I was to push the limits of the world and myself. To challenge norms and comfort zones. To embark on a journey that was worthy of sharing so that others could follow their own journeys with integrity to their core being. Yes, easy is comfortable, but challenges change lives and allow us to contribute to this world in a meaningful and relevant way.



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