Chapter 4: Immersed

December 31, 2016

Winter settled in, and I was immersed in an internal struggle yet again. How does my new direction play into my life? Months passed, and I made no progress. The thought of rejection lingered deeply. My mind took me backward when I needed it to move me forward. The fear was so intense that I had regular bouts of anxiety, hopelessness and depression. I needed companionship, yet I had no one. I was alone. Just as I thought I was at my end, my mountain called to me. I knew that I would find solace and comfort amidst the aspens, and tranquility in the sound of snow melt in my favorite little stream.

The anxiety followed me along the road, yet I kept going, knowing that if I could just reach my favorite spot, everything I needed to know would be revealed. When I arrived, though, the season had not fully unfolded, and I regretted the timing of my journey. But I needed to be here, away from all that is bothersome. I reluctantly followed the dirt trail, glancing only briefly at the empty trees. Silence. Pure and utter silence. No scampering chipmunks. No singing birds. No budding leaves and blooms. Only silence to draw me back to the trouble of my own thoughts. I was disappointed in what nature offered. As I reached the end of the trail, I knew that it was time to go home, unhealed. As I turned back, something caught my attention. Something that seemed as out of place as me. A single touch of green in an otherwise monotone landscape. “How precious. Bless your heart for enduring these cold temperatures, yet still finding a way to grow.” I moved in closer and touched the soft curve of the leaves. “Closer,” nature whispered. I did as she asked, and a gentle breeze parted the leaves. Deep inside I saw a delicate touch of purple. I was intrigued. “How does nature create varied colors in the same small being?” My curiosity took over, and I peered deeper within the small bit of flora. “What other surprises do you have for me, little one?” Minutes passed, and before I knew it, the world had disappeared. I studied that tiny plant for an hour, completely immersed in its mystery and beauty. I carefully stepped back, and my thoughts were quiet. I was ready to go home.

In conditions where it seems that nothing can grow, our dreams take on a life of their own. Always waiting quietly for the moment when we take pause and notice. When we decide to lift our eyes to the world and abundance around us. In these moments, we are able to see the unexpected because we no longer consider the unrealistic. Dreams are boundless, and so we must be without limitations in our pursuits. To have the courage and awareness to go within ourselves with a knowing that somewhere inside is a little touch of magic. I knew from that moment that I had a bit of magic inside me, and all I needed to do was open myself to the world and let life take its course.



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